“Empathize with the naggee and get a better insight of the situation”
Nagging is a ritual that both partners contribute to. Nagging is a vicious cycle, where one partner asks or demands; the other dismisses, shuts down or responds angrily. Yet, the ritual continues and can create a rift between the partners. Not much is accomplished, until one partner gives in, feeling unsatisfied.
The first partner, the “Nagger” is hurt, feels dismissed, unimportant, and angry. The other partner, the “Naggee” feels patronized, irresponsible, blamed, hurt and angry.
A three step approach to stop this cycle is for the “Nagger” to empathize with the “Naggee” and get a better insight of the situation:
Assess your role as the “Nagger” and your contribution to the cycle
Think about the underlying reason for your nagging; be honest and truthful with yourself
Are you trying to impose your way?
Are you trying to change him?
Are you taking on yourself a role that he is not comfortable with?
Imagine you are the “Naggee”
Put yourself in his shoes, try to respond to the nagger
What is your role in this situation?
Would you like to change?
Can you propose a compromise?
Find a solution
Think about possible solutions
Can you let go, take a step back and let your partner deal with it?
Can you take charge and deal with it yourself?
Can you both come to an agreement on whose role it is to better handle the situation?
Empathizing with your partner conveys caring. Your partner will be much more motivated to compromise once heard and understood.